There are so many times I wanted to be deeply honest and share everything, but I held back because I knew a few people who followed the blog. It’s weird, but I feel more comfortable revealing myself to strangers than the people I know. It’s a bizarre concept, but I realised it stemmed from my childhood. I never trusted many people because I was disappointed regularly. Growing up with constant disappointments set my expectation low, and in turn, would eagerly believe anyone who appeared genuine even when that wasn’t the case. I found myself in a continuous cycle of trust, disappointment, repeat:
- Why was it so easy to trust?
- Did I long for someone to protect me?
- Was I incredibly naive?
- Did I just choose to see the good in people?
I also realised I shy away from opening up because I fear getting ridiculed to the point where my spirits would be broken, and I would just stop writing altogether. Hard to believe that even at my age, I still get overwhelmed with insecurities; one thing that is different now is that I try to focus on the people that would commend me for speaking out. I think it’s time to make the positive encounters paramount because I’m already bombarded with so many pollutants.
Being at home has forced me to be more honest with myself, so I will continue to give me.
Nomadic Free Spirit🦋 🦉