“I always knew I would return to writing, but I didn’t realise it would be in an entirely different form.”
I took a break from my blog because I didn’t expect the lockdown to hit me so hard. Being alone with my thoughts was especially hard considering I was still healing. Pre-lockdown I kept myself busy with anything I could find to avoid this intense conversation. I literally drained myself so I wouldn’t have to sit down and analyse my feelings.
As the lock down intensified and the number of hiding places decreased, I found myself sitting alone in my flat thinking about all the decisions I’ve made throughout my life. All the experiences that shaped me into the person I was presently and all the missed opportunities that slipped through my hands due to fear.
I found myself crying for existing, wishing that this pain would go away. I never knew what an addiction withdrawal felt like until I was forced to do some healing. I held unto the past so tightly because it brought me comfort but I failed to realise that this unhealthy dependence was costing me my future.
I hid away because I felt embarrassed for feeling; I stopped writing, stayed away from social media and avoided face to face contact. I thought it was easier to lick my wounds in private. Some people did see that side of me when I allowed my pride to take a break once in a while. It was good to speak to someone and let out the ugliest cry. I noticed overtime that as the words and tears came out, I became to heal and writing became a priority again. The writing flowed but when I reread the words I noticed some unfamiliarity it the delivery; it wasn’t in the form of a poem or a blog but the makings of a novel.
I liked this new side of me because I firmly believed that I had a voice and was willing to keep sharing. I saw that as I healed my writing evolved to encompass all the complexity of my thoughts. I’m excited to see where this story will take me and I’ll definitely keep you posted!
Nomadic Free Spirit