Blog Post(s)

#thursdaythoughts24102019

Growth is possible, you just need to know who you have to keep in your circle!

  • The Inspired
  • The Motivated
  • The Open-minded
  • The Passionate
  • The Grateful

Pax et Felicitatem,
Nomadic Mind Wanderer

I think It’s Time (The Epilogue to The Act of Calling out)

I usually write about whatever pops into my head. There is an element of randomness I appreciate; I think it’s because I’m so spontaneous. About a week ago, I posted “I think it’s time” because it felt right. Then after posting “the art of calling out” I thought that I should repost “I think it’s time” cause it tied together so well.

I mentioned that I don’t call out people that much. However, there are times when someone you love is doing the most and slapping the stupidity out of them will get you arrested. So, you have to try a less physical approach.

I think we need to set the scene a bit. PS: The name in this post is fictitious, any stories in real life which bare any similarity is purely coincidently.

Yasmin has been in a situationship with a guy for ages. She makes promises to stop seeing him, but there is something that keeps luring her back (maybe the…). He never really cares until Yasmin is talking to other guys. She has ended so many potential relationships because she thinks he is serious this time. It lasts for a few weeks, and it’s the same drama again. Every time he breaks her heart, she gets sick because it stresses her out. I’ve spoken to her before, but she doesn’t listen. She is beginning to lose friendships because she thinks people don’t want to see her happy.

I love you, so I KNOW you need to hear this:
I’m tired of giving you too much of myself with no appreciation.
I’m tired of having to constantly listen to you without you acknowledging the impact of your negativity.
There comes a time in life when you need to realise that your choices affect people in your radius.
Your naivety is restricting access to your common sense.
I know you know better cause I’ve seen you accomplish goals before.
I pray that you break free from the shackles of the generational curses.
You need to understand the correlation between the energy you attract and the negativity you encounter.
I try to be there for you without thought, but you are draining me.
I can feel your discord from the time I pick my phone.
I know you are lonely, but you can never be alone after you’ve made peace with yourself.
It’s not that hard if you make an effort, but you need at try.
It’s not me; it’s you. Until you realise it’s you, you’ll always consider yourself to be Atlas.

Pax et Felicitatem,
Nomadic Mind Wanderer

#thursdaythoughts171019

Doing the smallest gesture can make a significant difference to someone who has lost faith in the world.

The Art of Calling Out!

Asking for a friend:
How far do you go when calling someone out? What do you say? How would you deliver the call-out? Who would you call-out?

I vividly remember my first call-out, it was purely reflex, and I was surprised I did it. When I was 12, I decided to try out for the school’s netball team (got cut after a week). One day, we were queuing up, and one of the older girls said something negative with regards to a male teacher. I turned around and said, ‘why don’t you mind your own business.’ and she said, ‘catch you falling self*.’

I said nothing after that, but I was thinking about whether if it was my place to say something. From that moment, I stayed away from saying anything unless there was some verbal confirmation to do otherwise. I usually have full authority to go out on my friends, but I know it’s reciprocated. Sometimes I don’t say anything cause we all stubborn together and my words would be wasted. However, that goes out the window when it’s time to say I told you so.

I love it when people call me out: professional or otherwise. I appreciate knowing that people care enough to correct me when I’ve done something I shouldn’t be doing. I’m a firm believer that “ignorance is NOT bliss, it dangerous,” so I’m ready to learn. However, I don’t like it when someone feels the need to belittle me in their call-out.

In a professional setting; it would include shouting, using inappropriate work language, throwing me under the bus. In an intimate environment: shouting!! However, if we are close, I would allow those things if I did something stupid.

I’m all about growing from my mistakes, so I don’t mind anyone correcting me (as long as they’re respectful). I have my reservations when it comes to calling people out because they may not be as open-minded and might curse me out!

*mind your funky business

Pax et Felicitatem,
Nomadic Mind Wanderer

I think It’s Time

I love you so I think you need to hear this:

I’m tired of giving so much of myself with little to no appreciation.

I’m tired of having to constantly listen without you acknowledging

the impact of your negativity.

There comes a time in your life when you need to realise that your

choices not only affects you, but those directly in your circle.

Your naivety is restricting access to your common sense.

I pray that you will let go of the negative patterns you learnt as a child.

You accept that the things you encounter are a direct result of the energy

you bring.

I try to be there for you without thought, but you are draining me.

I can feel your discord from the time I hold my phone.

I know that you are lonely but you can never be alone if you make peace

with yourself.

It’s not that hard if you make the effort, but you need at try.

 It’s not me, it’s you.

Until you realise it’s you,

you will always consider yourself to be Atlas.

Pax et Felicitatem,
Nomadic Mind Wanderer

What I learnt When Dating Myself…

One of the very first dates I had

I took the time to get to know the “me” that has been tucked away so long behind all the fear, regrets and negativity. I wanna showcase the beauty of myself, when I finally decide to pay attention.

My list will continuously grow as the dating process is still happening. As of now, I can say that everyday I fall more in love with myself.

If you wanna share your list, message me and I’ll post it! It will be exciting to see your growth!

  • If my heart is not with it, the flow of creativity will die.
  • I need to give myself time to heal before I jump into something big.
  • My parents raised me the best way they knew how to at the time.
  • It was never my fault when people mistreated me because of their insecurities.
  • Not everyone will like me.
  • The decision I made felt right to me at the time.
  • My stubborn ass should listen to the signs.

Relatability…

I worried that my blog wouldn’t impact anyone because I thought my journey was insignificant. Boy was I wrong; I was letting all the fears get in the way of my passion. From posting, I realised that I was relatable because I was brave enough to share my stories and people starting opening up about their stuff.

When I first started my blog, I had three goals in mind:

  • Accomplishing my goal of consistency
  • Sharing my story through different mediums
  • Following my passion for writing

Believe it or not, this is my second attempt at a blog. When I started, I wrote so that I could work through the stuff that was going on in my life. I have to say it did help me through the valleys and built my confidence in my writing. When I wrote, the words flowed so freely. However, when I forced myself to produce specific content every day, my brain froze because that was too much pressure.

With this experience, I learnt something new about myself: If my heart is not with it, the flow of creativity will die. I also discovered that I need to give myself time to heal before I jump into something big. I used the platform as my therapy, and that was great. I was able to write without judgements. Publishing my work was a big thing for me because I was an INTROVERT! You should know the seriousness of this by the bold and ALL CAPS.

Version 1 allowed me to heal, and I’ve done that so well. Version 2 is for manifesting, making and releasing magic. Some days the magic won’t be constant, but I promise you, THERE WILL BE MAGIC. I’m happy you believe in me as much as I believe in myself.

Pax et Felicitatem,
Nomadic Mind Wanderer

1 Step, (2 Steps, 3 Steps, 4)

We all have this ideology that we are not there yet. When asked the question, “why do you think this?” We go on listing things that we think we should have by a certain age — an ideology based on what was taught to us by society. We aim to reach hard this “gold standard” that we forget to enjoy the beauty of our present. These would include anything that brings you joy.

If we were to do introspection, we would realise that we have lots going on. We seem to fixate on the opinion that we are continuously deviating from the plan. If we are not strong-willed, this “deviation” can be daunting. We can be consumed with the notion that our lives are just stagnant and can act like we are in auto-pilot.

Many times I did feel this way for extended periods. It was THE WORST feeling because I couldn’t help thinking about how wrong my life is going. This made me so frustrated because I couldn’t do anything to fix it. It made me replay on all the decisions I made and classed them as regrets. I always thought about the “what-ifs.”

I always seem to feel worse after I speak to a friend or family member as they would remind me of the things I’m yet to accomplish. After the encounters, I always go into further panic, then tried to figure ways to attain these goals. This pattern had me more into my feelings and subsequently, a wreck. At this point, I was genuinely stagnant, and I was going in circles. I eventually realised that my new goal was to be happy and started working towards that…

#ThursdayThoughts031019

Everything happens for a reason:
It doesn’t matter if it presents itself as an annoyance. It just means that someone is looking out for you. Constantly making sure you are safe to receive your blessings.

When you know (To Have The Talk)

There is a point in your life when you need to have an earnest conversation with yourself about your life. It becomes evident that you need to do it as everything becomes a bit disoriented, and you need to make sense of what’s going on.

I had that conversation around 25; it was just around the time I finished university, so I needed to figure out my next step.

The need to have this conversation presented itself long before I completed my Bachelor’s. However, I avoided it because I thought I had enough time (and I was a bit of a procrastinator). Not surprising, time crept up on me, and I found myself in a negativity space at which time I forced myself to do it. It was hard in the beginning, as I didn’t want to accept certain things about myself. However, once I welcomed specific roles, it became more comfortable for me to understand my contributions to the world.

The main questions were:

  • What brings joy in my life?
  • Am I excited to get up in the morning?
  • Do I feel motivated throughout the day?
  • Do I daydream a lot?
  • Am I overly excited when Friday comes?
  • What interests me, careerwise?
  • What order do they fall in? (As it’s always good to have a back-up plan).
  • When would I allow myself to move on to plan B, C, etc.?
  • What’s my 5/10 year plan? Allow wiggle room for this one as no one can tell the future.

Answering these questions truthfully will take some time, so don’t rush the process, but allow regular reflection time. Search the internet, talk to mentors, pray/meditate, do fun activities. Your mind needs to be clear for such important decisions like these.

Just A Reminder…

No matter how crazy things get in your life, it will always get better.
No matter how many no’s you receive, the yes you deserved will come into your peripheral.
No matter if you are sad and frustrated, better days will be around the corner.
You have to be mindful that life consists of victories and trials.
The victories you may encounter may be the most subtle.
If you think you haven’t encountered one recently, you need to refocus your mindset.
It’s time to dwell on the little things because those are the moments that get you through difficult times.
Don’t be hard on yourself, if you don’t get to complete something.
Your soul probably gathered all that it needed to grow, and it’s time to let go.
Don’t punish yourself; you can only do your best with the opportunities you have.
Remember that you are a beautiful soul; if you were to swap lens with an outsider, you would be amazed at the effect you have on people.
Not all you desire is meant for you, sometimes not receiving something could be saving your life.
Master knowing thyself and the art of letting go
Never regret any decision you make as it was the best choice for you at the moment.
If it wasn’t positive, then you remember the outcome to prevent it from happening again.
Love yourself and treat it right,
Do the things that make you happy no matter how weird it appears to others.
Just a reminder that being you is enough and no matter how small it is your presence makes an impact on the world.

The Fear of Wanting More…

May it be a new experience, new love, or job; you always find yourself having butterflies in your stomach mixed in with some anxiety and nervousness. These are all normal feelings for you to experience when trying something different. What’s not acceptable is when the fear becomes too much, and you get scared. Your mind becomes flooded with all the things that could go wrong, which makes you want to run for the hills. All these negative thoughts enter your head, and you get distracted by the what-ifs.

It’s so crazy that you have these intense panic moments in adulthood. What you should focus on are the potential positive outcomes. Growing up, you’ve been through new experiences frequently, but yet you powered through them. I’m sure you had those same feelings, the same fears, the same doubts, but you went forth on that journey anyway. What made you do it? Was it an impulse decision? Did your family/friends prompt you? Did you feel it was an obligation?

If you mainly did because you felt pressured in any way you need to change your mindset. You need to start believing your worth. May it be professionally or otherwise, people keep coming around because you are amazing. Don’t lose sight of this or get distracted by the things you don’t have. You need to remember that in a few months you won’t be in the same position as you are now. Just keep going until you get what you want (consistency, consistency, consistency). Go back to the memories of when you were a child having career goals; channel that energy and remove all the negative attributes from your life, especially your self-doubt.

It’s ok to be scared because we have a self-preservation mechanism. It’s ok to be cautious because it allows us to have an unbiased view of the situation. Your future self will thank you for allowing some growth in your existence. Don’t forget that you are amazing. You are unique! You are enough! You deserve all the things you want; it’s just a matter of figuring out how to get it. You’ve got this, I believe in you!

The Value of Synchronicity..

We encounter so many signs and we ignore them or label it as ‘deja vu’. Have you ever thought about the significance of these occurrences? These signs/symbols come into our lives to direct us on to our intended path. We become so distracted by all the glamour of this world that we forget our link to the universe. We are meant to experience things with full authenticity but being honest with ourselves has become a foreign notion.

We are blessed with so much intelligence, yet we are contented with being told how to experience life. Choose creativity every time you are faced with an option and you will find yourself. It’s ok to get to know yourself, It’s ok to unleash your potential. It’s ok to be great; the world needs more magic. So next time you see a symbol that resonates with you, take it as a sign for you to do more.

“Never forget that intelligence rules the world and ignorance carries the burden. Therefore, remove yourself as far from ignorance as possible and seek as far as possible to be intelligent.” – Marcus Garvey

Purpose Achieved or Purpose Unfilled…

Recently I have been drawn to writing stuff, hence the birth of the blog; I always got this nagging sensation to write words down. If I didn’t do it, I just saw words replay in my mind until I wrote it down. The night before I started writing about this topic, I recited the words for this post. I’m not sure if it was the fact that I was between sleep and wake, but it just flowed. To me, when it comes to writing; the words are released so quickly. When something happens so naturally, that’s your calling, and you should do it.

We become distracted by these shimmering things of the world that we lose our qualities. We forgot about all the things that we loved doing as a child and get caught up in the monotony of adult life. Don’t forget how amazing you are! Don’t forget that your life is a purpose waiting to be fulfilled!

I think the worst thing a person can experience is a life without purpose. You get all these jobs, and you become bored quickly because the “honeymoon phase” is over and you are on autopilot again. As adults, we get jobs because of financial commitments, and we allow it to consume us. Consume us to the point where we lose ourselves and count down the days until we are temporarily released from its stronghold. Let’s find time to work on hobbies so we can find our purpose.

We deserved to be happy in this life; that should be your definition of happy. This may be running home to sleep, dancing, painting or volunteering. Don’t let society’s standard of happiness keep you searching for more. Everyone has quirks; understand them, nurture them and make them blossom because these are the tools that would help you find your purpose and lead you to your tribe.

Overcoming the Job Experience…

During my scroll on social media, I found a post which explained how to motivate yourself during your valley times. The post said to write all accomplishments and put them in a box then wait until the end of the year to read them. The first year I started it was mid-year, so I only was able to do six months. However, based on the stuff I accomplished, I was proud of myself. The following year, I did the same thing; I even wrote all the things I would take for granted. For instance, I wrote about how “I woke up today unharmed” or “I made someone smile today”.

One day I was feeling the worst, and I felt the need to read through them. It was the most exhilarating experience. I realised I was starting to take myself for granted and it was not a good thing. I always say “you never notice your growth because you are always with yourself, so everything appears to be gradual.” That’s why doing this exercise is essential; you are aware of all the moments in your life.

This is also an excellent way to build a relationship with yourself as you become your cheerleader. During these writing exercises, you are forced to dig within yourself to find the right things. Anything you think isn’t an accomplishment; you should write it down because I noticed that we always downplay ourselves. If you genuinely have no achievements to write, then you aren’t doing enough. You shouldn’t aim to live the same life for the rest of your life. Start creating waves to create a domino effect. Start doing little things to change your mindset then you will be able to handle the big stuff. It is so easy to say “I can’t”, but have you ever thought about thinking “can I?”

This will force you to figure out how to accomplish any task. Even if you weren’t successful, you tried. That counts towards something different you can write down. If this exercise isn’t enough, then you need to get friends “who got you!” They would be the one(s) who would tell you the truth no matter what. Who would continuously remind you of how amazing you are, because sometimes you need to see your life through someone else’s lens.

Always remember, don’t forget you shouldn’t be hard on yourself!! You don’t know everything, that’s why you are on the earth, so try to absorb everything. Try the exercise and let me know how it goes!

The Job Experience…(cont’d)

Example 4:

“Growing up, I wasn’t dreaming about the traditional life goals of getting married and having children. I did see myself as a forensic pathologist and have dog babies. However, lately, it seems as if my career goals are against me. I never wanted to end up here, but I had no choice to accept this job, and now I feel stuck. I remember being in the last year of my undergraduate program I got selected for this prestigious internship. I was so excited, but that was short-lived. Due to unforeseen circumstances, I lost the opportunity. Ironically, this happened around thanksgiving. How could I be thankful when I felt like a failure, this hurt more than any relationship I encountered. My one goal in life, shattered, I’m not sure what I can do from here.”

Example 5:

“I got the opportunity to come to another country to study. It was a dream to pursue my degree of choice. Moving here was great, but there were lots of things to adjust, coming from a small island. Having people not understand my accent, so I have to speak quite slow, not being able to get my comfort foods, not being able to meet up with my friends and dealing with an extremely fast-paced place. These things were nothing in comparison to the shock of the weather. Coming when it was summer was bearable, but when it came to winter, I was unable to fathom how the sun was out, and it was so cold. I got sick quite a lot because no matter how I dressed, I still felt cold. It was indeed a shock because I didn’t know anyone, so it was school and home. I scroll through social media to get an idea of what was going on at home, but that can’t help me with my loneliness. I see all my friends celebrating milestones, and I’m not there to share in the joy.”

The Job Experience…

The Job Experience is defined as anyone who feels their life is in a slump. It may be mental, emotional, or financial stagnation. You tend to find yourself uninspired and going through the motions.

Examples 1:

“I got up on the day, and it hit me that I was an adult. But what made it worse was that I was a single adult post 25. All my close friends were either in serious relationships or married, and here I was without even a prospect. I tried dating people, but it never felt right. All I encountered were men that not want to be in a relationship (with me) but wanted to use me. I prefer to be alone until I found someone compatible, but it gets so lonely. I feel this pressure daily that I need to keep up with my friends. Every time I see my family, they ask about my love life until one day it became an impromptu intervention. I know I feel like a failure, don’t need to be reminded constantly.”

Example 2:

“Nothing I do seem to do bears any clarity. I feel stuck, and no solution appears obvious to me. It’s so frustrating because sometimes I feel like no matter how much work I complete, I get no appreciation or no motivation. What’s more disheartening is because of my current situation, I can’t leave. In essence, I am frustrated, unmotivated and stuck. All of the people I speak to tell me I should be happy because I have a job, but I always think ‘what’s the point of having a job if you are unhappy’. I am ambitious, and I want to have my version of happiness, which means having a life where I am challenged on every level. Being in this job takes a lot out of me, and there is nothing I can do about it at the moment. I can only blame myself for I intentionally put myself here. When the opportunity first presented itself, I had a bad feeling, but the one good thing of security outweighed all the bad on that pro/con list. Should have I trusted the process and not proceeded, but that is no longer an option. Being mentally unmotivated does force you to get things done.”

Example 3:

“I was so excited to come home after completing my degree. It was an excellent opportunity to get a chance to live somewhere and learn new experiences. Coming back home was indeed a shock for me, I was no longer use to the temperature (I complained about the heat all the time), and people use to call me Miss America cause I no longer spoke like them. One of the most significant adjustments was dealing with my friends; we didn’t have that many things in common anymore. We would go out, and I would feel left out because they would have their inside jokes. Even though I was home, it felt like I was in an alternate reality. Finding a job was the hardest, I thought having a degree would give me an advantage, but it felt like people were scared to hire me because they would lose their jobs. It’s been months and nothing, I always think about what it would be like if I had just stayed. I know I would be teaching in a permanent position and possibly married. Sometimes I feel like a stranger in my home, and the worse thing is that no one I know seems to understand.”

Cleanliness is close to Godliness…(pt2)

Being aware that there are burdens in your life is one thing, but actively trying to get rid of those burdens is another thing. No one is expected to get rid of all their problems overnight, but working on a challenge each night does add up. I started following blogs that addressed the issue of breaking generational curses. When I first started looking into this, it was a shock to find how most things that I grew up doing were NOT OK. Those beliefs and traits had a profound impact on my life today.

If you change your environment, you can change your mindset. I was able to change the people I followed on social media, the conversations I had, and the activities I did in my free time. Removing nonproductive activities allowed me to face the fact that I harboured too many unnecessary feelings. Combing through those feelings gave me clarity about aspects of my life, which needed growth.

Doing introspections make you aware of the good, bad and ugly parts. Maintaining the positive elements seem relatively straightforward, but enhancing them takes a conscious effect. Letting go of your negative attributes takes some reprogramming, which is fundamentally changing the person you are currently. That part was a battle, but it took some time to accomplish with patience and consistency being my closest frenemy.

I began praying and meditating more. I felt so grounded being able to spend time in quiet, surrounded by nature. I would get so much clarity, and solving problems became easier. Plus, I connected with my intuition, so when something felt right or vice versa, I listened. Every time I meditated or prayed, I remember the verse, “Be still and know that I am God.” Finding the time to take a break from all the distractions resets my body to its best self.

I started consistently eating healthy. This made so much difference because I felt this release from my body. I love the way I felt; my face started to glow and was happy even though I went through challenges. I worked on gathering knowledge, i.e. reading books, watching/listening documentaries, podcasts etc. My goal for the day was to learn at least one new piece of information. All of these things gave me the confidence I needed to change my thought patterns and receive my blessings. Now I write down my goals and having daily affirmations. I started each day with “I am + something positive.” I repeat this process each day to change my mindset. It has been a few months, and there is a definite shift in my life.

Cleanliness is close to Godliness…(pt 1)

Growing up, I always heard the saying cleanliness is close to Godliness. I always thought that was my mother’s way of getting me and my siblings to clean the house and yard every day. Keeping the place so clean that all will be right in the universe. As I grew older, I realised I should apply this to every aspect of my life. Keeping my body clean so I would obtain my weight goal plus I would have the stamina to do all the activities I want to do. Keeping my soul clean; this meant getting rid of all of the burdens that kept me stuck for so long. Keeping my mind clean; realising my worth and fullest potential so that the world can experience my greatness.

As mentioned in a previous blog, I had lots of regrets growing up. These regrets stemmed from allowing fear to be the final “person” in the decision-making process. So many missed opportunities because I allowed myself to be caught up in the belief I wasn’t significant enough. There were some times I couldn’t help it; I heard so many negative things said that it became ingrained within me. Sometimes no matter how good nature is if the nurture is toxic, it still affects a child’s psyche. Having all these thoughts did weigh me down to the point where I would feel so heavy but couldn’t pinpoint the problem.

I always wondered when was it going to be my turn because I felt that I was putting in the effort but getting no results. In retrospect, I realised that I was producing the energy based on my belief system but not my capabilities. I conjured negativity into the world with my thoughts and words. I never knew I was the one holding myself back. I wish I had known to be kind to myself to reach my potential and believe in my myself to foster the growth I needed. One thing I wished for growing up was a mentor. Talking to someone about your life’s plan is essential; having conversations about future goals, life, fears, insecurities, etc. take the pressure off and help you realise you are enough. Speaking out is one way to conquer fears, which is one of the critical steps to becoming your highest self.

PS:

Although I wish I had a chance to change many things, I am glad my life took this course. I learnt a lot of things along the way and met people who have forced me to be openminded. I truly understand how life keeps presenting us with challenges until we learn our lesson. Instead of blaming myself for taking so long to figure it out, I thank myself for having the opportunity to find myself.

When you finally found the voice you were looking for…

I have a voice and it works well, quite well actually. 

I have heard people say you have a nice voice and you should speak more… 

I never thought I did and the words which I uttered bore no significance because it was connected to my brain. 

A brain which stored such important memories. 

Produced such provoking insight. 

Calculated countless algorithms. 

Conjured alternate realities so I would cope with this current plane. 

But somehow with all its greatness, 

there is a failure to transport data to be analysed by others. 

It’s a shame really, that I didn’t do it or maybe couldn’t because the sneers of fear prevented me.

All I could feel is paralysis with a thick fog of doubt and confusion. 

I remember it like yesterday, 

the first attack left me so weak that I couldn’t even remember the feeling I had which inspired the manifestation of the idea. 

I would only feel sadness and regret because I allowed myself to fall under the spell. 

I really tried to fight it off at times, but it was as if it copied my action plan and convinced my army to betray me. 

I would fight hard until my army left and I was stuck in checkmate for the umpteen time. 

I did succeed at times to manoeuvre through the traps, 

I would be so weakened that all I could muster was a peep. 

It wasn’t loud, only heard by the passing wind, but to me, that was a sign of victory.

If I could do it once, I could do it again. 

Maybe if I stood up to them a bit more, 

it would resonate that they were the illegal aliens pillaging my being. 

I confronted them more and it was difficult. 

It had appeared that they were so comfortable with their stance that they were brainwashed in believing they were there first and, I, the visitor. 

I, however, knew my roots and being grounded helped me stand firm for battle. 

I stood firm, I used my feelings to weakened the competition. 

My thoughts now travel freely without being tolled. 

I realise magic happens when my words are manifested, why would anything be against that? 

During low tides and my defences are low, they were strengthened enough to attack. 

Even though victorious, I feel the damage as there are breaks in my delivery with the presence of a low frequency. 

Now that I know their plan, I send my army ahead to neutralise them. 

They work quickly because they know the effect of my words on the world. 

They always knew the level of greatness that spewed from my being but gave up at times due to my inability to see it. 

I’m glad that they helped me realise this beauty. I feel. I think. It flows. I speak. 

You would never imagine it would be this hard to speak, 

but anything that appears easy always has a production team powering through to make the show happen.

Like Nike (Just Do it!)…

Setting goals makes you super organised, but what about accomplishing them? Believe it or not, growing up, I was THE MOST reserved person ever. I was, indeed, my father’s daughter. I would sit alone, lost in my thoughts for hours because I thought my opinions were best kept to myself. I became more withdrawn as a result and didn’t think anything was worth saying, anymore. Eventually, I started feeling this weight, I couldn’t pinpoint it, but I kept going.

There was this one instance where I wanted to partake in a queen show, I thought about it to the point where I got the application but never submitted it. I was so consumed with fear of the unknown I never thought about how I would feel when I accomplished it. After that, all I had were these “what if” thoughts, playing different scenarios in my head to comfort myself. I realise I spent more time conjuring alternate realities than actually accomplishing the goals I wrote down ages ago. I didn’t know when it happened, but I became stuck in this web of regret, and the entanglement was becoming overbearing. I started to lose myself, and to me, that was worse than having regrets. I realised my mental health would be much better if I just did it because at the end of the day I would prefer to have memories keep me company in my old age.

I have to say becoming a doer is hard work. There were so many challenges to overcome, yourself being the biggest hindrance. I started making my lists (and checking it twice cause I was scared of the change) but eventually I started to slowly do it because it wasn’t fair to treat myself this way. So guilting myself into doing stuff helped; however, when I got scared, I wanted to give up, I had my friends on my case to remind me of my excellence! To my fantastic support system, I SALUTE YOU! I also realised that I was human, and I needed to understand life doesn’t like listening to you. You may intend to do something once, but you end up doing it five times with minimal success, and one day, it will just click, and the cogs will all align.

After a massive introspection, I pinpointed my major weaknesses were lack of patience, lack of consistency and fear of failure. I realised that these things were keeping me back because I would overthink about the failed outcomes before I got started then when I got started life would swoop in and shake things up. So I would be frustrated (lack of patience) and give up (lack of consistency). Never thought I would here now, but it’s all good so far. I think it’s always essential to keep your plans flexible to save yourself from having massive disappointments.

Now, taking the time to know myself was the best thing I ever did for myself. I realise that I am alive, so expect the unexpected, and I’m so prepared. Making plans helps you significantly but allowing wiggle room makes you saner, also, believing in your potential is the greatest gift you can give yourself to cope with the changes in life. Now with all of these things, I just set goals and do it.

I saw this quote that said, the answer would always be no unless you ask. I have been asking, and things have been happening. I have become more outspoken, very assertive, started doing solo travelling, working on a few collaborations and continuously trying to learn something new each day. So my challenge for you is to do some introspection, make that list and be like Nike!

#ThursdayThoughts080819

Have you ever thought that the reason you are afraid to try is that you will exceed far beyond your expectations?
We have been conditioned to do the bare minimum and accept that. Start believing in your power and your untapped potential. FYI, scientists only understand the functions of 5% of the human genome and are able to do so much already (vaccines, transplants etc). Just imagine if they understood more. So take the time to understand yourself and the growth you have experienced so far and go create the magic you were intended to do.

THE BEGINNING IS A GOOD PLACE TO START…

It’s said the beginning is always a good place to start. But which beginning should I start at though, which version of myself should I thoroughly go into? In this instance, I think I will start with my passion for writing. Growing up, my dad always gave me old yearly planners; I never knew why, but I accepted it wholeheartedly (maybe he knew about my future knack for writing). The outdated planners never bothered me because I would always be creative with the dates so that the years matched.

I vividly remember spending weekends with him just playing as he wrote in his journal. I never knew what he was writing, but it seemed necessary. I wanted to experience that level of importance, so I wrote too. Write what you may ask? Random things! For as long as I could remember, I had a wandering mind. I would find myself thinking about a particular situation, and that would start a domino effect until I would be lost in a trance. I believe that writing introduced itself to me because my mind needed room to grow and giving the words this new home would start the mandatory manifestation process.

Every weekend when I visited my dad, I would bring my journal with me. So when he wrote, I would be in my corner doing the same. I shared all my thoughts and fought hard to keep it my own but unfortunately, having Caribbean parents denied me the opportunity for privacy. It was frustrating because I always had to hold back, and this prevented me from honestly expressing myself. The annoyance birth the idea of writing poems, I thought it was the best because I could write about how I felt while denying the reader(s) the full story.

Writing poetry in my spare time was something big for me. Getting the opportunity to dig deep to create these narratives was grand. I loved reading so that only boosted my passion. I started off writing about random stuff, but as my thoughts grew more complexed, so did the poems. It always felt good when I showed selected persons my work, and they would be impressed with the delivery. However, even with these praises, I often took breaks because I never felt my words were good enough to be expressed to the world. I imagined myself as a new mother, and as such, wanted to protect my babies from judgement. I seldom created new stuff until I was forced to get back into it.

When poetry came back into my life, it stuck! It came at the time when I found myself, my confidence, my voice and the need to share with the world. Writing poetry is fun, but it’s always good to go back to where I started, writing randomly while my mind guides the pen. Writing down my thoughts, whether organised or not, has become a part of me, and I will continue to do so hence these blogfessions.

Hope you enjoyed this prologue as part of the blogfession of a mind wanderer…

Always allow the possibility for growth…

… and never give into the voice that says you are not good enough…

Take as much time as you need to reinvent/relaunch yourself. Apps are constantly updating to give you the best product, why can’t you give yourself the opportunity to constantly improve too?

Thank you for believing in me. I hope you enjoy these creations and they inspire you to complete something of your bucket list. This is an area for growth! Subscribe below to get notifications about new updates!