The prodigal writer returns

“I always knew I would return to writing, but I didn’t realise it would be in an entirely different form.”

I took a break from my blog because I didn’t expect the lockdown to hit me so hard. Being alone with my thoughts was especially hard considering I was still healing. Pre-lockdown I kept myself busy with anything I could find to avoid this intense conversation. I literally drained myself so I wouldn’t have to sit down and analyse my feelings.

As the lock down intensified and the number of hiding places decreased, I found myself sitting alone in my flat thinking about all the decisions I’ve made throughout my life. All the experiences that shaped me into the person I was presently and all the missed opportunities that slipped through my hands due to fear.

I found myself crying for existing, wishing that this pain would go away. I never knew what an addiction withdrawal felt like until I was forced to do some healing. I held unto the past so tightly because it brought me comfort but I failed to realise that this unhealthy dependence was costing me my future.

I hid away because I felt embarrassed for feeling; I stopped writing, stayed away from social media and avoided face to face contact. I thought it was easier to lick my wounds in private. Some people did see that side of me when I allowed my pride to take a break once in a while. It was good to speak to someone and let out the ugliest cry. I noticed overtime that as the words and tears came out, I became to heal and writing became a priority again. The writing flowed but when I reread the words I noticed some unfamiliarity it the delivery; it wasn’t in the form of a poem or a blog but the makings of a novel.

I liked this new side of me because I firmly believed that I had a voice and was willing to keep sharing. I saw that as I healed my writing evolved to encompass all the complexity of my thoughts. I’m excited to see where this story will take me and I’ll definitely keep you posted!

Happy Manifesting,
Nomadic Free Spirit

G2: how to heal [Repost]

Everyone heals in there own way, embrace this journey for it marks growth.

Your body is not small. The total surface area of the human lung could be spread to the height of a brachiosaurus. If you want to heal,you must firstfind every bruised place. Your body is not obvious.It sheds forty thousand cellsevery minute,and who knows how many of thosewere the last to rememberthe bruising? Just in […]

G2: how to heal

5 Ways to Find Your True North [Repost]

There is an old Greek parable that states, “The fox knows many things, but the hedgehog knows one big thing.” Ideally, the fox is cunning and has many tricks under its sleeves. It plays dead, it races, it pounces, to catch the hedgehog for its meal. The hedgehog, on the other hand, is quiet and […]

5 Ways to Find Your True North

#mondaymotivation24082020

With each season we have the opportunity to grow or remain stagnant. I took the time to develop myself holistically so that I can prosper. It’s so easy to give up when things get difficult but it’s amazing when you know it’s time to rest so that you can return with a force.

Always Growing,
Nomadic Free Spirit

Forgive yourself

Forgive yourself for everything…

Pressok

Forgive YourselfFor not working on your dreams Forgive YourselfFor not making yourself a first priority Forgive YourselfFor agreeing to the norms of society Forgive YourselfFor trying to adjust at places where you never belonged Forgive YourselfFor the wrong decisions you have taken Forgive YourselfFor the sick people you have trusted Forgive YourselfFor the silly things […]

Forgive yourself

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Thursdaythoughts18062020

Believe in yourself

You are deserving

Start speaking things that will foster that mindset

Beatus Manifestationes,
Nomadic Free Spirit

Affirmation Monday 15062020

We as humans have the ability to go from having an idea in our minds to making it a reality. We literally have the power to make something exist. The more we start believing that this can happen, the sooner the blessings will start pouring down.
So many times we have great ideas but we get trapped in fear and confusion. How can we move forward when we have these limitations holding us back? This tugging back and forth will only cause stagnation and that will not provide any form of growth.
You have the ability to do anything you put your mind towards achieving, let go of that limiting belief and work towards your goals.

Forever Growing,
Nomadic Free Spirit

Affirmation Monday 08062020


I’m learning to trust my own intuition and not rely on my present understanding. I need to fully understand the importance of connecting with myself so that I can make the best decisions for me.

Life has thrown me a few curve balls recently but despite that, I have encountered some new experiences which have forced me to growth and appreciate the journey.

During this time I kept asking myself “why me?” but slowly it became “why not me?” My life has taken an interesting turn and I want to see where the next turn will take place.

Forever trusting, learning and experiencing,
Nomadic Free Spirit

#thursdaythoughts04062020

“Self love is the best love”

Self love comes in many forms but one of the ways is knowing when you need to let go of habits that aid in your downfall. You know what is best for you; you get daily signs, it just about putting it into practice.

I hope that you get there in your journey. Your future self is waiting to start walking along that purpose driven path. Don’t be afraid to heal because healing looks good on you.

Beatus Manifestationes,
Nomadic Free Spirit

Affirmation Monday 01062020

I committed myself to address the stuff that keeps holding me back from flourishing. It turns out once I started, there were so many things that I learnt about myself. I started thinking a lot more about my toxic and positive traits. I realise I’m a beautiful soul just confused by everything that happens around me. I feel so much that it becomes too much to process, and I shut down. I have to come to notice that the entire universe responds through stimuli, a feeling. Embracing this and implementing it has been one of the most significant steps in my life.

Pax et Felicitatem,
Nomadic Free Spirit

For the Men

Photo by Min An

Why is it okay for women to show their feelings but men are considered weak? I have had men told me that they grew up hearing that crying was a sign of weakness.

My question after hearing this:

  • What are boys going to do when they have no outlet?
  • How are boys supposed to cope when they are shamed for feeling?
  • If you tell a boy no crying, what other option can you give them?

There are so many side effects that can result from denying someone that necessity, as my grandmother used to say “pressure does burst pipe.” Now men are in the space where they believe that the only way they can provide love is through financial means because that’s what they saw growing up. I know men, especially the older generation, who had multiple partners and that was alright with the wife because he contributed. Going from that ideology to incorporating emotions is quite mentally draining; some men would self-sabotage than deal with their feelings. This shouldn’t be an option for anyone; we need to break the cycle and embrace our men who want to vulnerable. This will save their lives.

I spoke to my friend a couple of weeks ago, and she said that three men committed suicide within seven days. I was stunned because the numbers keep growing and the population is just over 100,000 people. My country is not very open about these issues; we are just told to keep going, and that has been the mantra passed on from generation to generation. It’s recently become clear to me that just because you are taught something doesn’t make it acceptable. It’s time to throw away the theory that being vulnerable is not manly.

Every human has emotions, and such should embrace them. Every human has feminine and masculine attributes which should be tapped into for balance. We, as a society, should allow men the freedom to speak about their feelings without ridicule. Our future generations’ success depends on it. Trauma is passed down through the DNA, and we will continue to damage the psyche of the future if nothing is done about it.

To the who are already embracing your feelings, kudos to you! To the others, try to get past the stigma and improve yourself. Write about it, speak to someone you trust, find a quiet place and just cry. There is no one way to deal with pain. Be strong enough to face that part of yourself so you can grow; it’s a new season.

Pax et Felicitatem,
Nomadic Free Spirit

Affirmation Monday 25052020

“Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I’ll rise.” Maya Angelou

I never give myself enough credit for overcoming situations in my life. I would focus more on what I lost than the good times in fear that they would end. I realise dwelling on the sad stuff was robbing me of the happiness which I created for myself and the potential for future happiness.

Why am I conditioned to fixate on that? I need to let go on the things that no longer serve me, and that is on the top of the list. I’m working on admiring the beauty of the garden as opposed to the flower that got crushed. I will always face disappointments, that’s a side effect of being alive, but how I react to it will affect future blessings.

I am such a blessing, and I should start acting this way. No amount of rubble can keep me from getting to the top. Getting comfortable should never be an option as it is the gateway to mediocrity. I know I deserve better in life; the battle is not listening to the voices that tell you otherwise.

I am more than my present circumstance, so I’m working on getting on the journey I want in my life. There will always be something preventing me from where I want to go; I just have to find a way around it to get back on the path.

Pax et Felicitatem,
Nomadic Free Spirit

Body Language Tricks — Be Inspired..!!(Repost)

What you say is only the tip of the iceberg of communication. The rest lies in your body language: how you hold yourself, your mannerisms, conduct, and even how you breathe. With a little conscious effort to improve your body language, you stand a better chance of scoring that job, that date, or simply being […]

Body Language Tricks — Be Inspired..!!

My First Time

Photo by Eternal Happiness

I remember the details like it happened yesterday even though it happened over ten years ago. It’s crazy how we remember these events in such detail; I didn’t think about it in a while then all of a sudden the memory came centre stage.

I decided to leave about two hours earlier than I usually would for my graduation practice. I had to travel for an hour to get to school, so I thought it was best to beat the rush hour. When I entered the bus, it was empty, but as I got closer to my destination, the bus became full. I started feeling uncomfortable being on a crowded bus. This was a new feeling for me; I’m not sure if it was the addition of the speed, but I took in strides and bared through it.

While distracting myself, I realised that the window wasn’t open. I figured that this feeling came about from the lack of breeze. I always preferred to feel the wind on my face when travelling long distances to relax me. When I tried to open the window, I couldn’t. I tried again, and I fail. I tried one last time, and I just couldn’t budge the window. At this point, I started experiencing so much; dizzy, hot, hyperventilating, discomfort, chills.

I couldn’t control myself as the tears started running down my face while it became hard to breathe. The person next to me tried to calm me down, but my focus was on opening that window. All I could think about was why couldn’t I open the window? Other joined in to help, and the bus stopped to assess the situation thoroughly. The bus conductor told me the window couldn’t open and that calmed me just a bit, but this had open the gate to let whatever this thing out. The driver decided to continue this journey, but to get me to the hospital. When we got closer to the hospital, the driver informed as passing police about my case, and they drove me to the hospital.

I waited in the emergency room for the nurse. I was so cold; tears streamed down my face. I felt I was a visitor to this reality. I couldn’t understand this feeling, and I was genuinely scared. I didn’t know how long I waited but being in a trance calmed me. The nurse asked me the regular questions and all the answers were negative.

Then she asked about the events happening in my life. I told her about my grandmother transitioning, and it was the first time I experienced death so intimately. I told her about my graduation and the pursuit of a job. After I told her the major events, she told me I was overwhelmed and had a panic attack.

I was stunned; I never heard the term, let alone know someone who experienced it. Even if there were people who suffer from anxiety attacks, I can’t say as it wasn’t openly discussed. It would be nice to talk to someone with experience, but going around asking questions wouldn’t get me answers.

Here at 18, the beginning stage of adulthood, I now face this dilemma. I am figuring out how I would deal with this in my life. Now that I know it exists, I have to take the time to figure out my triggers and what I can do to reduce the effects.

Beatus Manifestationes,
Nomadic Free Spirit

Affirmation Monday 18052020

I made it a goal to learn something new every day, and I have committed to continuing this goal. I had learned things that brought me joy, sadness, disgust, bewilderment; so many emotions I discovered when I took the step to leave my comfort zone. I always hear that ignorance is bliss, but I always say that it is dangerous. How is it blissful to not feed your mind and continue living without the knowledge that is produced daily for us. The world is rapidly growing, how can people not want to be apart of that community. It is not wrong to learn; you were designed to function that way. There is a shift from learning for physical survival to mental survival. Take the time to acquire a new piece of information to grow your mind; you’ll be glad you did.

Beatus Manifestationes,
Nomadic Free Spirit

#thursdaythoughts14042020 (On a Saturday?)

I’ve been a bit preoccupied and forgot to post but I feel I need to do it for the sake of consistency. I am a firm believer that you need to water the things that are important to you. So here goes….

If we could control every detail of our lives we would soon realise that we would be in lots of trouble for we don’t know our true purpose in life. We would go around making decisions and tweaking existing decisions so it will fit our present existence. This may be good for our present self, but what about our future self?

I’ve realised that we need to fail at things in order to get back on the path we are destined to travel. It’s okay when things are going crazy, it means that things are going to smooth itself out soon, you just have to start preparing yourself for the next step in your life.

I’ve completely resonated with experience that it why I can speak so wholeheartedly. Patience and trusting aren’t my strongest qualities, but I am working on it for my sanity. I am mentally preparing myself for the blessings you will received. I do hope you are doing the same.

Beatus Manifestationes,
Nomadic Free Spirit

The Unseen Intruder

At some point in our lives, we have all felt sad. Sadness is an essential part of our lives because it reminds us of the need to be humble and offers a reference point for happy aspects of our lives. With sadness being an essential part of our lives, when does it become a problem? To me, it becomes a problem when the sadness lingers to the point where you lose interest in daily activities and leaving your bed becomes a physical battle.

I experienced this feeling growing up, but I never felt comfortable talking about it. I didn’t know how to start or who to speak to about the issue. I wanted to talk about it, but I feared being shunned or told to pray vigorously about it. I am a firm believer in prayers, but prayers without action wouldn’t benefit me, and I felt so lost. I also feared speaking out because expressing emotions wasn’t a common practice, so I didn’t want to be classed as an outsider.

I realised later that this trait, of not talking, was due to a coping mechanism brought about by the effects of slavery and colonialism. Before, I just thought it was reasonable to hold on to my feelings and let is damage me. I figured it was best to suppress it. That didn’t work because now as I get older, I saw my character developing from coping mechanisms based on my experiences. I thought about too many “what ifs” and hoped my life had gravitated differently. I’m now working on ensuring that my feelings are dealt with properly to prevent subsequent effects.

When talking to others about my experiences, I realised that others shared similar situations but are also afraid to speak about it. I’m so baffled that an issue so prevalent is not openly discussed. I believe it is crucial to remove the stigma related to sadness and depression. With May designated as Mental Health Awareness month, individuals are working to ensure this is normalised.

Beatus Manifestationes,
Nomadic Free Spirit

Affirmation Monday 11052020

Our minds crave familiarity; it requires more energy to obtain new information, and thus it is considered unfavourable. When absorbing new experiences, the brain has to forge new pathways to store the memory. During this time, our minds are experiencing information overload and trying hard to make sense of this new “normal.” For those who are surrounded by family, you are lucky to have a constant reminder to help you adjust. For those with jobs, you have an opportunity to occupy yourself during this change. These times are so uncertain, but I believe we are resilient. There have been times where mass populations have encountered wounds and have eventually healed. We will not go back to our old existence, but we will find a way to coexist naturally again.

Beatus Manifestationes,
Nomadic Free Spirit

Stop. Breathe. Appreciate.

Why is it so easy to think about all the bad things that can happen as opposed to looking at the good things that could happen? Are we inherently hardwired to focus on the bad? With the current situation; we think about how we can’t go outside or can’t fulfil our basic needs, but we don’t dwell on the fact that we get time to rest and reset. Do you even take the time to focus on your mental health? What about your physical health? Have we forgotten self-care in the pursuit of financial wellbeing?

This time has pushed the pursuit of money on the backburner and proved itself to be another social construct. Take the time to interact with family members (without the use of technology) or learn a hobby or just rejuvenate. Let us try to retain some form of our humanity; we have been participating in this rat race for so long that we forget to come up for air. Let’s show the other species that we have emotions that are not associated with hatred and destruction. Let us focus on caring for others and thinking positively. I believe that we should work on shifting our energies to overcome this experience.

Beatus Manifestationes,
Nomadic Free Spirit

#thursdaythoughts07052020

Having the patience to wait for the things you deserve, while putting in the word, and believing in yourself are the two greatest tools you need to succeed. Not many people will understand your end game and such will try to deter you from finishing. Know yourself inside and out so that you will be able to overcome any hurdle that comes your way.

I know that you got this, you just need to start believing wholeheartedly!

Beatus Manifestationes,
Nomadic Free Spirit

Serving the betterment of Society! — Inspiration HERE (Repost)

This post ties in well with the theme for this week “Patience

Understanding the difference between a want and a need will make it easier to decide what things are worth chasing vs waiting for in life.

If the mind and mouth belong to the body, what belongs to the soul? We speak of infinite tales of mankind and its growth. We speak boldly of integrity and justice. We assert our views and want to see developments likewise. Here is the problem, All of these end up becoming our wants and not […]

Serving the betterment of Society! — Inspiration HERE

Beatus Manifestationes,
Nomadic Free Spirit

How To Maintain Your Privacy As A Blogger (Repost)

Here is the link to the post.

I know may not have much to worry about but it’s always good to think about these thing. I saw this post by New Lune and it reminded me about the importance of internet safety. I show so much parts of myself and don’t think twice about cause I think it will never happen to me. I don’t what could happen so I’m making the extra effort.

Beatus Manifestationes,
Nomadic Free Spirit

IG vs DG

Is wanting everything instantly beneficial to you? Chances are if you said yes, you are setting yourself for failure. The world bombards you with messages that promote instant desires regularly. For instance, you’ll see a before and after photo of someone who lost weight or “the rags to riches” story. People focus so much on the finished product that they forget the journey that led up to that point. For those who are not familiar with the terms, I’ll go into detail.

Instant gratification is wanting a successful outcome as quickly as possible. For example (and I’m sure we’re all guilty of this):

  • scrolling through social media to see the likes on posts
  • getting junk food when you know you’ll regret it later.

These activities are desirable because dopamine is released, which gives you a temporary burst of happiness. When the “high” wears off, you go back to feeling normal again. To maintain this feeling, you keep repeating the cycle. You may not think it’s detrimental to indulge but think about those resolutions you made; what’s the progress? It’s just keeping you in the short term mindset with no form of security to prepare for later months.

Delayed gratification, on the other hand, is putting in the effort now so you can obtain a successful outcome in the future. Examples are:

  • completing a course or degree
  • noticing progress after maintaining a workout regiment

It requires effort and sacrifice to attain your goals. It may be hard at times when you experience “failure” but not giving up forces your mind to adapt to counteract the diversions.

A well-known study of instant vs delayed gratification is the Stanford Marshmallow Experiment. The study was conducted in 1972 by psychologist Walter Mischel. Children were given a marshmallow (or preferred treat) and told they could eat the marshmallow now (instant gratification) or wait fifteen minutes to get another marshmallow (delayed gratification). Follow up studies showed that the children who practised delayed gratification obtained better life outcomes than those who opted to eat the marshmallow.

So I ask the question again; Is wanting everything instantly beneficial to you? Take some time to think about the long term effects before indulging in that guilty pleasure.

Beatus Manifestationes,
Nomadic Free Spirit

Affirmation Monday 04052020

I’m sure I’m not the only one that suffers from wanting instant results. I’m guilty of putting in the work but get frustrated when I don’t see the rewards in my timing. Every time I start a new project, this happens; I do the job, and when I don’t get rewarded, I have a breakdown. Then after I have calmed down, I realise that I am not the centre of the universe, and my expectations are unrealistic. As I previously mentioned, this happens EVERY TIME I start something new. Wouldn’t you think that it would become clear to me now? Well apparently not, I think it’s because I am stubborn. Also, I believe the hormones that trick women into wanting more babies are doing the same thing with me and patience. I am working on reminding myself that things take time to mature to tailor to my personal needs. Instant results would not be beneficial for the growth which I want for myself. I’m working on figuring out my wants vs needs before I start desiring results or else those will present itself as another burden. Repeating “I AM PATIENT” calms my soul and reminds me that waiting is one of the rules to being apart of the universe.

Beatus Manifestationes,
Nomadic Free Spirit

#thursdaythoughts30042020

It’s all about speaking positive things into existence. Thinking, speaking and radiating goodness will drown out whatever things you consider unfavourable. When you are kind to yourself and others you can’t think about sad times. Remember your thoughts and words are powerful so use it wisely.

Happy Manifesting!
Nomadic Free Spirit

Check Your [insert] Friends Too

I keep seeing memes about “check on your [insert] friends too” It is a good concept because it allows persons to think about someone they should check-in with but haven’t for whatever reason. It holds some level of accountability and shows us that we should be interdependent. When you do a check-in, how is it done? Is it through texting, calling, watching their social media account or planning a meet up (not during this time, but you get the idea)? On a scale of “putting in the minimal effort” to “I care enough”; I would say watching their social media account, texting, calling (includes video chat) and planning to meet up.

  • Watching a person’s account is good because you can get clues that help when taking further action, but if you are just scrolling past, then, it’s not worth it.
  • Texting is helping because you are making some effort. Try shying away from asking the cliche questions. If you are close with that person, then ask questions that convey you are listening. It’s hard at first, but practice makes perfect.
  • Moving on to calling: This is the best thing for when distance is an issue. You can get a lot from someone’s tone even when they use a different octave. Also, it’s worth taking it a step further to video call. There are so many ways to accomplish this, and it is comforting for the person on the other end.
  • Meeting up seems the best way as you connect on different levels and you also observe things which aren’t noticeable during a phone call. Plus, it’s always good to make new memories for the next social media story.

With all this; I feel I need to ask, how well do you know your friends? There have been so many cases of celebrity suicides and one common pattern is that their friends said that they looked happy or they seemed “normal”. Stars are paid to portray different personas; trying to be happy was one more thing to add to the list. Now let’s move a little closer to home. What about people in your community? What about those who haven’t perfected the art of masking their feelings or mannerisms? I’ve heard cases of people committing suicide, and people said they didn’t appear any different. If the right questions were asked, maybe red flags would be more visible. It’s always good to remember that people have different ways of expressing themselves when talking is difficult.

I’ve had cases where I felt sad, would get messages. I would say I’m ok, ask them the same, and that would be the end of the conversation. There would be no follow up question or response that showed a level of interest. It made things a bit more depressing, and I ended up asking myself if the original text was needed. Another example was when I posted a picture on Instagram. It was different from what I usually posted, but in the caption, I stated how I flooded your timeline to distract myself from my anxiety. Out of all the comments and likes, only two people went the extra step to offer some advice. Some of you might think, why post there? Instagram is not that kind of place.

For those who think that, let me remind you that people express their anxiety or fears in different ways. I, personally, am not comfortable with speaking about my issues, so I find various outlets; I write, pray or cry, but I find an outlet. Other people may post videos, post memes, or go silent. There isn’t one way to ask for help, so there shouldn’t be one method in reaching out.

Everyone is busy, but that shouldn’t be a reason to neglect your responsibility to care for your tribe members. Humans beings, like other species, are social creatures and should show empathy to others. At this time in our lives, we encounter so many things vying for our attention, but, we need to make an effort to prioritise the essentials. At any point, there can be a change in our circumstances. Don’t put off what you can do today and don’t downplay your impact on the world. Be kind to others; message, be observant and invest in the conversation. It may seem simple, but it goes a long way.

Beatus Manifestationes,
Nomadic Free Spirit

Affirmation Monday 27042020

I was on IG, and I saw this post which said the following:

This post was a reminder of all the beautiful things I currently have in my life; I am healthy and happy. I have friends and family that I can count on no matter the circumstance. I have a job, a home, I can be creative, and spread joy. I have been surrounded by so many opportunities to improve myself. Every morning I go through my blessings, and I notice the list grows each week. I am fortunate to exist in a space where I don’t have to worry about basic needs and can move and speak freely. There are many things I’m unsure about in life but being blessed isn’t one of those things.

Beatus Manifestationes,
Nomadic Free Spirit

#thursdaythoughts23042020

Is quiting an option anymore? What do you really gain from it? Keep pushing, you got this!! Delayed gratification is so much sweeter when everything aligns together. Whenever you feel like quiting, ask yourself this, “will my future self benefit from this decision?”

Beatus Manifestationes,
Nomadic Free Spirit

The Need to be Without (The sake of Your Sanity)

Unplugging and taking quiet time is the best gift you can give yourself. Refusing to succumb to the pull of the internet removes the cloud that confuses ones’ purpose. Just imagine in a typical day; you wake up with a list of goals you want to accomplish, but somehow the first thing you do is look at the updates on your phone and at this point, your focus shifts from taking care of your goals to fixating on trends. Then as you go throughout your day, during your commute and work, you sneak in moments where you “need” to answer a message or look at a post.

This occurrence becomes embedded in your daily lives to the point where feeding the addiction displaces accomplishing goals. Then, there comes the point where you have lost sight of who you are as a person. This displacement is real and dangerous; the addiction grows slowly and steadily while distracting its host into some alternate reality. The good news is that this addiction is reversible. The same way you convinced yourself to scroll through social media is the same way you can persuade yourself to close the application. Believe it or not, your world will not shatter if you don’t look at the trends multiple times a day.

Take some time during the day to turn off your phone and direct your attention to some other aspect of your life.

  • Go outside and rediscover nature; with the rapid consumption of technology, humans have strayed away from the divine cycle of the universe. The use of content has become more critical than self-care. Go outside and learn to re-appreciate the beauty and calming effects of nature.
  • Take the time to reflect on your past and present so that you can create targets for your future.
  • Try consuming as little artificial light as possible; the presence of artificial life affects the hormonal balance in the body.
  • Try Adopting early sleep and wake times; resting between the recommended hours does help holistically and waking up early allows you to accomplish some personal goals before you have to go into work.

Beatus Manifestationes,
Nomadic Free Spirit