Down the Rabbit Hole

Photo by Filipe Delgado

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It’s been a while since I’ve posted a poem even though I am still continuing with the poetry challenge. Here is the last poem I’ve posted:
http://nmwblog.com/2020/02/04/my-poetry-challenge/

So Here goes…

Down the rabbit hole, I go, further away from my sense of normal
my sense of adventure pushes me down also, but my fear pulls me back
I’m being torn between two worlds, and it’s so confusing
I have been told that no one can serve two masters and I see that now
I want to serve the master of mystery, but I’m tethered to my fears and insecurities
I want to let go, but the temptation of normalcy intrigues me
The desire to reminisce on the simpler times distracts me from continuing
There is no reason for me to go back now as my mind has slowly metamorphosised
I will no longer be able to experience the bliss of ignorance fully
I will no longer be comfortable just existing
I’ve asked for these things and been refusing to accept them because it doesn’t follow the path I want
I need to realise that the level of confusion is bearable and I need to face the truth to obtain clarity
Now faced with the choice; do I fully immerse myself in the truth or be aware of tidbits?
I am stuck between choosing
I’m stuck between existences as my life has revolved around this theme recently
I am the only one that can decide
I have made decisions before, but somehow I’m stuck
I need to analyse all aspects so that I can continue with my life.

Beatus Manifestationes,
Nomadic Free Spirit

My Poetry Challenge

I thought it! I said it out loud! I did it!

As part of my theme this year, I wanted to push myself towards writing more poetry. I convinced my friend that we should do a writing challenge; we would alternate picking themes for the month, write at least three poems and send them as voice notes or messages to each other. My friend agreed, and we went on our 2020 journey. The theme for January was “Having the Strength to Let Go,” decided by yours truly!

At the end of January; we exchanged and listened/read. I was in awe by our creativity and amazingness. I would say I’m a good poet, but my friend is an amazingly creative being. Every time I read her poems, I’m intrigued by her use of words to convey her emotion! She is truly my poetry twin aside from being one of my closest friends! We continue to inspire and motive each other when it comes to writing, and without her motivation, I wouldn’t be able to share this poem:

For the Love of Happiness

She wakes up, and I bleed
I don’t understand why she allows me to do this
She forces herself to wake up to succumb to the mental enslavement, wake up to repeat the same tasks as yesterday in the name of a job
Brain says she needs this entrapment for survival, but I disagree
For all the times we have argued, this has been the worst; a body divided, a dream destroyed
I feel weaker each day; Heart cracks and the butterflies which once occupied the stomach turned into shards wounding her from the inside.
I was on the attack to gain as many supports to defeat Brain
He thought it was a good thing for one reason; it was a job, and that job was the reason we were able to live
It was a valid point, but it was just one.
That point reiterated as if it was the only job for her
I sensed that this reason was laced with fear, for whenever I spoke about the topic, I felt attacked.
I persisted. I fought. I won.
I fought logic with logic. I offered solutions, and it was agreed upon.
I got to be happy again, Brain felt a new form of security, and she was able to move on from a place she outgrew months ago.

Dara Pierre

The Theme for February is “The Comeback,” if you want to join us!

Beatus Manifestationes,
Nomadic Mind Wanderer

THE BEGINNING IS A GOOD PLACE TO START…

It’s said the beginning is always a good place to start. But which beginning should I start at though, which version of myself should I thoroughly go into? In this instance, I think I will start with my passion for writing. Growing up, my dad always gave me old yearly planners; I never knew why, but I accepted it wholeheartedly (maybe he knew about my future knack for writing). The outdated planners never bothered me because I would always be creative with the dates so that the years matched.

I vividly remember spending weekends with him just playing as he wrote in his journal. I never knew what he was writing, but it seemed necessary. I wanted to experience that level of importance, so I wrote too. Write what you may ask? Random things! For as long as I could remember, I had a wandering mind. I would find myself thinking about a particular situation, and that would start a domino effect until I would be lost in a trance. I believe that writing introduced itself to me because my mind needed room to grow and giving the words this new home would start the mandatory manifestation process.

Every weekend when I visited my dad, I would bring my journal with me. So when he wrote, I would be in my corner doing the same. I shared all my thoughts and fought hard to keep it my own but unfortunately, having Caribbean parents denied me the opportunity for privacy. It was frustrating because I always had to hold back, and this prevented me from honestly expressing myself. The annoyance birth the idea of writing poems, I thought it was the best because I could write about how I felt while denying the reader(s) the full story.

Writing poetry in my spare time was something big for me. Getting the opportunity to dig deep to create these narratives was grand. I loved reading so that only boosted my passion. I started off writing about random stuff, but as my thoughts grew more complexed, so did the poems. It always felt good when I showed selected persons my work, and they would be impressed with the delivery. However, even with these praises, I often took breaks because I never felt my words were good enough to be expressed to the world. I imagined myself as a new mother, and as such, wanted to protect my babies from judgement. I seldom created new stuff until I was forced to get back into it.

When poetry came back into my life, it stuck! It came at the time when I found myself, my confidence, my voice and the need to share with the world. Writing poetry is fun, but it’s always good to go back to where I started, writing randomly while my mind guides the pen. Writing down my thoughts, whether organised or not, has become a part of me, and I will continue to do so hence these blogfessions.

Hope you enjoyed this prologue as part of the blogfession of a mind wanderer…